Read - Knowing v Justifying
I stopped smoking in 2003, and I ran my very first Easyway seminar in 2004. I bloody loved it. I didn’t have the money to buy a franchise but I was determined that that’s what would happen. The money showed up. So many people told me not to go for it because I was buying a business that was unproved in the market that I was hoping to set it up in. There was no guarantee that anyone would come and a huge possibility that it would sink.
This is what everyone told me.
Even the Director of the company urged cautiousness, not out of any lack of belief in the method, but because I was relatively new to the world of business and he wanted to make it absolutely clear that it wouldn’t be an easy task. He was trying to save me money in case I failed! But I was very determined, and I think he knew that, so he took me on and I went for it. We both made the right decision :) There is something in this, too. I knew in my guts that it was the right thing to do. I just knew.
There have been times in my life when I just knew what to do. I knew that I should run the Black Lion pub (it brought me to my alcoholic knees), I knew I should buy an Allen Carr’s Easyway franchise (I loved it so much and it gave me a great grounding in really running my own business), and I knew that I was going to start Serenity Retreat (my heart and home).
How to explain the difference between just knowing and talking myself into it?
Well, the clue is right there.
I didn’t have to talk myself into anything. It seems to me that the way to tell the difference is to see if there’s any conversation going on. If there is a back and forth going on in my head with all the pluses and minuses then that’s me talking myself into it or justifying my actions. I was the Queen of Justification when I was drinking. How many times did I tell myself that I would just have one and that that would be it…
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it feels as though we do have to tussle with a problem in this way.
But there are other times when we just know.
There isn’t a discussion or an argument, there’s just something in the pit of the belly (for me, it might be your heart or solar plexus or somewhere else) that knows. It’s a very quiet sort of knowing, but a very insistent and determined one. It knows that there are practicalities that need working out, but there is very little fear. There's a sense of being 'on message' with ourselves, of congruence, of 'fuck it'.
For years and years I think I had largely drowned it out with my drinking, but there were still times when that feeling of the knowing would penetrate my numbness and make itself heard.
As the years of sobriety pass, I realise that this 'knowing' is my inner Sat Nav (GPS). My innner guidance system.
As time passes, my sensitivity to my inner sat nav has grown and grown. It turns up in small ways - I have a computer to buy, but as much as I research, I don't seem to find the 'right' one. Okay - put that job aside, come back to it later.
I need to book a flight but I can't quite find the right deal - put it aside.
Often, when I do this, there is a sense of 'aha!' when the 'reason' for it not happening shows up (new computer model or someone offers me theirs, flight prices go down or I change my mind about travel etc).
I have stopped trying to work out and control things and rationalise them anywhere near as much as I used to (I still do in some situations though!).
Feeling my way through the world seems to be an easier way to be than constantly thinking my way through. I'm really learning to trust that.
the more I trust going where that feeling is taking me